1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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