My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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