I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
