I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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