well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
