it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
