My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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