So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Drunk is not a location!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
