the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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