Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
