Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
