im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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