woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
