Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
