Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
