you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
