allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
