YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
