she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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