I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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