thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
