i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
