So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
