I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
