that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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