You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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