I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize