so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
