just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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