if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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