Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
