im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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