i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
