mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
