Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
