I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
