So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
