6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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