My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
