Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ttyl tear gas
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
