I wish my penis had an off switch
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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