To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
