He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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