and you said cock pushups were impossible
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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