You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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