dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
