it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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