I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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