i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You don't make any sense
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