don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
How's work?
Spinning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
