Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
