dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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