I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
