just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I will be naked everywhere
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
