I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
