Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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