I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
