Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
