Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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