i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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