Don't EVER smell your tampon
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
