WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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