i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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