I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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