How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
