it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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