It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
