Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
