she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
