i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
