remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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