I'm lost and stupid without you.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just want to make out with him forever
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
