i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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