my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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