she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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