They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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