where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
