So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
