I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
